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02/01/19

ROBIN HOOD (2018) Movie Review


Robin of Loxley is what some might call a toff, a pampered nobleman living in and about the realm of Nottingham, England. He has all he needs, except for, oh bother, a beautiful lady with whom to share it.

But hold on … a buxom female thief soon comes a-crawling through his window one night and fills that particular vacancy quite nicely, thank you.

After just a dash of flirtatious banter, a kiss and a squeeze, Robin and Marian fall in love. Why, she even has a social conscience, of sorts. And she easily transitions from sneaky thief to a fulsome Miss of the Manor who has a heart for the poor. That's the kind of lady Marian is. And theirs is a romance for the ages.

Ah, but the far less-than-noble Sheriff of Nottingham has other non-kissy things in mind for Robin. He wants some space between himself and the local nobles so that he can concoct his plans for an ultimate Death Star … well, a medieval version of something like that, anyway. So the Sheriff drafts young Robin into the army and sends him off to fight, and hopefully die, in the Crusades.

However, Robin proves himself more ethically upright and skilled with a bow than anyone might have guessed. In fact, he's strong and honorable enough to stand up to his superior officer and to fight against that man's torturous ways—a choice that earns him the respect of an Islamic warrior in that far-away Arabian land.

Robin returns home to find all his possessions seized, his manor ransacked and his beloved Marian in the arms of another man. (More on that turn of events below.) And it's all due to the wicked machinations of Nottingham's Sheriff —who, for some reason, has the power of a king though he isn't one.

What is poor Robin to do?

Well, remember that Islamic warrior? He somehow follows Robin back to England and offers to train him to be truly skilled with the bow, truly evasive, truly clever. Together, they can then upend the Sheriff and his evil ways.

Robin will play the role of the simpering Robin of Loxley by day and steal by night as … Zorro!

No wait, that's wrong. He'll dress up as … the Green Arrow.

Hold it, that's not right either. It's a green hood … and he's a thief, uh, yeah! He'll be Robin … Hood!

Boy, this fighting for justice stuff can be difficult to get right.

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